on seasons: grieving them, embracing them, noticing them

Let's address the elephant in the room – a lot's changed since I last popped into your inbox. I'm growing a baby, I'm no longer podcasting, and I've generally been pretty quiet online for the greater part of the last six months or so. But so it goes with seasons, change is inevitable and the changing of the seasons sometimes requires us to slow down and release some things for awhile. As I dive back into writing and creating and figuring out what life online looks like for me post-podcast, I'd love to tell you a little about how that process has been for me. (hint: harder than I thought it would be!)

WHO AM I WITHOUT THE JOY FILLED PODCAST?

When I told a friend of mine about my decision to end the podcast, her first response was “Wow, that's kind of amazing that you can step away. I don't know how your identity wouldn't be wrapped up in that.” To which I responded something along the lines of “Identity? Psh, not a problem for me!”. I'd soon find out just how wrong I was. While the podcast didn't control my sense of identity in the big, loud ways, I learned after that last episode aired that it had a bigger hold on me than I thought. I found myself unable to show up online and walking around my house twiddling my thumbs. (no, really. I was.) For months I felt like I didn't know who I was anymore, and it impacted how I showed up in my life, both online and IRL. Who am I if not Jenna, Podcast Host? But over time, God in His patience and goodness reminded me of who I was and who I'd always been:

Daughter. Beloved.

First + foremost, that's who I am and who I'll always be, and I can operate in the giftings He's given me because I'm a daughter whether I'm hitting a million downloads on a podcast or teaching a 6 year old subtraction. It's all worship. It's all an offering to my Father.

GOING SLOW IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE

As I walked through this season of twiddling my thumbs and figuring out “who I am”, I found myself struggling with the slower pace my life seemed to be taking. I was actually… bored. And then I came across some words I penned a few months back about going slow (it was this blog post). It's fun when words I've written in the past help me gain perspective in a current season, because as I reread that blog post in a season of figuring out who I am and what I'm doing and struggling with all this empty space I had in my day, I was reminded that slow is the pace of the Kingdom, slow is the pace of these early years of motherhood, and slow takes us further than a rushed, hurried pace ever will.

NOTICING MIGHT JUST CHANGE EVERYTHING!

But while slow is the pace of the Kingdom, idle hands are not. We are called to “work the ground”, to create and produce and find joy in our work. And yes, part of my work is motherhood and yes, I did need to put a pause on everything to untangle the unhealthy roots of mistaken identity that had begun to grow, I knew that I needed to get back to creating - specifically, creating online. I know God gave me an assignment here in this online world and I knew that part of that yearning for something to do was a God given piece of my soul that was made to make. I decided not to rush back into anything, but instead take notice of what I found myself longing to do. With nothing to do, what was my heart actually wanting? What work was I missing? Did I find myself wanting to write again? Was I thinking up ideas for new reels I could create? Instead of looking to every other podcaster, writer, or creator to see what they were doing next - what were the specific things I found myself daydreaming about getting back to? (because spoiler: your daydreams are probably less random than you might think) And it was in that noticing that I began to find the answers to my “what's next?” questions. Because while the podcast might be done, I am not.

So if you've been in a similar season – whether you've misplaced your identity in something, you've found yourself struggling to embrace slower seasons, or you too are asking the “what's next?” question; let me leave you with this:

You're a Daughter, and everything you do is from the overflow of your Daughterhood. Slow is the pace of the Kingdom. So let Jesus pace you and lean into His easy + light yoke. Listen to the whispers and notice your daydreams, they just might be hints from your Father to get you back on track.

in it with you,